Terrible Movies They'll Probably Turn Into Even Worse TV Shows

We live in the era of the remake, and unfortunately, most are trash. But not content to fill our theaters with warmed-over dredge, producers are starting to pour them out, like bacon grease, into our television screens. In the past year, TV series based on Frequency, Lethal Weapon, Scream, 12 Monkeys, and Rush Hour have been greenlit. With those already airing (or about to air, or possibly all cancelled by the time you read this) we can't imagine it'll be that long until we get ...

An ode to horrible car killing and Stephen King's horrible drug habit, Maximum Overdrive is the famed horror writer's only directorial work. It's about cars who are evil! And come alive! To kill! That's really all it is. Did you love Jurassic Park, but wish it had happened with cars instead? This movie is what you want, person-who-has-never-existed.

The film wasn't only pretty cheesy, it was also a big rip-off of Duel — the first big movie Steven Spielberg ever did, about a man being pursued by an ominous truck down the road for seemingly no reason. But how killer would this be as a TV show? Picture it — a family taking a road trip, slowly realizing that cars all around them are turning evil, including their own? At the end, they're stuck in a hotel room, because outside is Carpocalypse. Someone should totally get on this, before Pixar steals it for Lightning McQueen's origin story

We're going to be mercifully short in our description of this made-for-TV, barely-a-B-movie. It's about a tornado ... filled with sharks. That's the whole thing. C'mon, don't act like you don't know what we're talking about.

Okay, but what are the chances of Sharknado getting its own show? Didn't it just come and go like a bad fart — bothering everyone for a second before blissfully being carried away by the wind? Who would dump hundreds or thousands of dollars into making an entire TV series based around one trash movie? Well, see, that's the thing. It's not one movie... there have been four Sharknado films so far. To be honest, of all the TV shows from Hell we're discussing, this is the one that's most likely to occur.

For all we know, some SyFy executive is right now taking a break from his hard job of weeping over his ruined life to read this article (hi!), and now he's turning away from the page to call someone — anyone — to tell them he has the best news. It's a brand-new show: Sharknado: The Series. Plot be damned, just get him some sharks in tornados, and stat! God help us all, though it might work if they just took a bunch of old Baywatch episodes and digitally added a sharknado to them. We would watch that yesterday.

Believe it or not, The Spirit isn't all that widely hated. Oh, the movie is! But it's based on a comic so beloved, one of comic books' biggest awards is named after its creator, Will Eisner. So, the idea of someone attempting to make a show out of this franchise isn't outside the realm of possibility, but Hollywood being what it is, they'd insist it be tied to the movie. So we'd get The Spirit: The Movie: The Series.

For those of you who don't remember this movie, it's the one with all the green-screen and the bad knock-off of Batman. He fights a dude named Octopus who has two arms, like all octopi. It's sort of a superhero movie, sort of a detective movie, and completely a terrible waste of time. But it's about a superhero so how is it not already a really terrible show? We've got Gotham — a show about cop who are so incompetent that a man dressed as a bat winds up doing a better job than him — but no show based on the character who inspired the creation of the Caped Crusader?

Even if you were charmed by the saccharine sweetness of E.T., and even if you loved the annoying children in Jurassic Park, you have to admit this movie blows. AI's all about a sad robot boy who wants to be a real boy, and travels the world, meeting a sex worker, and ... that's kinda all that happens until the world freezes over and aliens visit him. God, that film was weird.

Now that shows like Frequency — a sci-fi movie that existed solely so grown men could have lots of Dad-feels — are in vogue, it's not a stretch to imagine a long series about AI. Except there'd be a lot of terrible social commentary wrapped around how humans treat machines, with no examination of racism, sexism, etc. The best part? Whenever the show gets cancelled, you can just have the world freeze over. Sure, the kid actor would probably get older, but just hand-wave that with his body being made out of synthetic flesh that ages.

If you've never seen Overboard, here's a quick summary — Kurt Russell finds a beautiful woman with amnesia in the ocean and decides to take her in, tell her she's his wife, and force her to raise his children. It is the bleakest tale of kidnapping that's ever been turned into a rom-com, and that's saying something.

However, with a bit of a tweak, this story could work perfectly. Through a series of mishaps — instead of outright lies — she would be convinced she's the wife, and the husband has to go along with it for some silly sitcom-y reason. She could fall in love with the man and his children, while slowly realizing who she was, and oh, by the way, who she is ... is rich. So you've got a great fish-out-of-water story, like My Name is Earl but somehow weirder.