Famous People Who Said Hysterical Things Before Death

Winston Churchill's wartime correspondences with Joseph Stalin and Franklin Roosevelt were particularly thorough and pragmatic, but always well-written. In one letter to Roosevelt, dated May 15, 1940, Churchill writes, "Up to the present, Hitler is working with specialized units in tanks and air. The small countries are simply smashed up, one by one, like matchwood. We must expect, though it is not yet certain, that Mussolini will hurry in to share the loot of civilization." There is this sense in his writing that, in spite of the horrors of World War II, Churchill felt uniquely suited for his role as leader.

By the end of the war, Churchill had already lived one of the most dynamic and interesting lives in modern memory. He would go on to win the Nobel Prize in Literature, and was named the Greatest Briton of all time by a 2002 poll. Before slipping into a coma and dying at age 90 in 1965, Churchill uttered these shocking, and perhaps sarcastic, last words: "I'm bored with it all." Hopefully for his sake, the afterlife is more interesting than his post-war life.

For somebody like Groucho Marx, who spent nearly his entire life cracking jokes, the pressure to come up with something clever to say on your deathbed must have been unbearable. Whether conspiring with his brothers on film or ribbing guests as the host of "You Bet Your Life," Groucho was already a legend before his death. And true to a legend, he's purported to have almost as many last words as cats have lives.

Some sources report that Groucho's last line was "Either I'm dead, or my watch has stopped." That would have been a good one, but it's probably not true. Others say Groucho passed away saying, "Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!" That's an awesome quip, but that likely wasn't it either. According to William B. Brahms' book "Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History," Groucho's actual last words were just as funny, but even sweeter, than the others. In one last gift to his fans, he said simply, "This is no way to live."

Niccolo Machiavelli's book "The Prince" is regarded as one of the most important works to come out of the Renaissance, and Machiavelli, as a result, is considered by many to be the father of political science. In addition, at the beginning of the 16th century, Machiavelli was put in charge of the Florentine militia. He held several diplomatic positions over his lifetime, and his reign was marked with the same "ends justify the means" style of ruling he celebrated in "The Prince."

He died in 1527 at the age of 58. His parting words are unsurprisingly clever, given his status as a man of words and of the world, though uncharacteristically his final words were quite funny. He said, "I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven. In the former I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks and apostles." So now you know where Billy Joel got the idea that "the sinners are much more fun."

Known primarily as the author of such great works as "The Importance of Being Earnest and Salome," Oscar Wilde is also know for a much sadder chapter in his life: being sent to jail for the crime of being a homosexual. Or as they called it back in the late-1800s, the "love that dare not speak its name."

When Wilde was released two years later, he was weak and spent his final years drinking, poor, and in relative obscurity. His last days were, to be simplistic, in stark contrast to the vibrancy and humor of his pre-prison years. However, just before dying of meningitis at 46, Wilde made a final documented quip, proving that in spite of his situation, the author had never completely lost his wit. He remarked, "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." By now, we're guessing both have gone.

You may not be familiar with the name Anna Pavlova, unless you studied Russian ballet for 14 years and dreamed of communicating beauty into dance the way she did. Or, if you read a 2012 article by Rupert Christiansen, you know that she was super-famous after World War I. See, after studying at the Imperial Ballet School, she quickly made her way to critical acclaim — after she danced the lead in "The Dying Swan" and the challenging role of "Giselle," she became a prima ballerina. In 1911, she formed her own ballet company and toured all over the world until 1930, when she became ill with pneumonia and pleurisy.

Though she had a residence in Hampstead, London (where, by the way, she had a collection of exotic animals, including two swans), she took a Christmas vacation and decided to return to The Hague to start dancing again. Her train was in an accident and, while she didn't get hurt, she stood in thin silk pajamas and a thin jacket for 12 hours waiting for help to arrive. She finally arrived in Holland, but she was already sick. On January 31, 1931, she died, with her last words being, "Prepare my swan costume." The next night, when her company performed and it came time for "The Dying Swan" solo, the curtain opened to an empty stage, out of remembrance for her. See what happens when you study history, kids? Ugly crying. That's what happens.

Lawrence of Rome died a martyr, burned to death on the orders of Emperor Valerian. He had served as one of the seven deacons of Rome under Pope Sixtus II, but around A.D. 250, Roman authorities called for all Christians to turn over their wealth to the state. As a big FU to the Emperor, Lawrence distributed as much of the church's money and goods to the poor and suffering as he could. A miffed Valerian sentenced Lawrence to die by fire for his insubordination.

Lawrence would become the patron saint of many things, including miners and tanners. He is also the patron saint of firefighters (it sounds like he needed one), cooks, and comedians. The last one is due to the circumstances in which he died, and what he apparently said while doing so. One perhaps-apocryphal legend reports that while Lawrence was burning, he remarked, "Turn me over. I'm done on this side." If he indeed managed to get roasted that severely without losing consciousness, he should also be the patron saint of tough-as-nails badasses.

The mythos of Pancho Villa is half-fact and half-creation. Villa truly was a heroic soldier of the Mexican Revolution, whose dedication led to the toppling of an oppressive regime. However, many of the facts about his early life are disputed, including one story about a 16-year-old Villa tracking down the hacienda owner who had raped his sister. Pancho became a bandit, was apprehended, forced to join Federal Army, then killed an officer and stole his horse. Or so the (Pancho-endorsed) story goes.

Villa's official career, meanwhile, is marked by great victories in battle and larger-than-life military campaigns. In 1923, Villa was killed with his associates while driving in Parral, Mexico. Seven gunmen sprayed bullets into the car and struck Villa in the head and chest. By most reports, he died instantly. But like much Villa's life, this is also disputed, with some outlets reporting Villa managed to utter, "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something important." before finally passing away. It wouldn't make sense for a guy who built himself into a near-mythical figure to go out silently, after all.