False Facts About Booze That Everyone Believes

To many, it's not tequila until you stick a big 'ol worm in the bottle. No one knows why, both because it makes no sense at all, and because, well, it doesn't happen.

The worm can actually be found in mezcal, the upstart cousin of tequila — the only difference (apart from the worm) is how much Blue Agave is in the liquor. Tequila has to be at least 51 percent Blue Agave to be called tequila, but mezcal can be made of pretty much any old stuff. It didn't take Don Draper to realize such a difference doesn't scream "brilliant marketing," so they started throwing a worm in as a gimmicky marketing tool. They wanted some way to set mezcal apart from tequila, but the fact that you now think tequila is the one with the worm illustrates just how bad an idea this was. Apparently, people found that the most important thing to remember wasn't the product, but how they were now drinking worm-flavored juice.

There's another theory that says the larvae was included because it was supposed to change the taste of the mezcal, and honestly, we don't want to think about that. Sure, bugs have been used to color food for ages, but we totally draw the line at larvae marinating in our liquor. We drink to forget our problems, not get distracted by other ones.

We've heard all the stories that started with a few drinks and ended in the hospital, but getting at least slightly tipsy might not be as brain-damaging as you think. (Before the good news, a disclaimer. All that stuff about alcohol slowing reaction time is completely proven. So, remember that bit of information, too.)

Now, onto the good news. In 2012, researchers took a look at whether or not there was anything to the stories about alcohol and the creative artist, and found that there totally is. When they gave subjects some alcohol and food, those subjects performed better when faced with a series of word problems designed to test a person's creativity, than people who were just given the problems. We could have told you that, but scientific proof makes us happy ... and less guilty about pouring ourselves a drink every time we sit down to write our Great Novel.

Other studies have shown that alcohol also impacts the release of dopamine in the brain, which is where things get tricky. Since it's also a depressant, that means a few drinks will make you feel awesome, but that depression side is going to kick in with a vengeance, too. That explains the mood swings that some people get at a certain point in the night, and the positive effects also slow if you drink more, too. So, it's not all good news. Most interesting, though, is a study from University College London, which found drinking a moderate amount of alcohol every day improves overall brain function, especially in women. It's thought that alcohol's ability to open blood vessels and increase blood flow has something to do with the findings, which looked at 10,000 people who participated in a study that started in 1967. People who drank moderately scored higher on tests that measured everything from verbal skills to memory, and the lowest scores came from those who abstained from alcohol completely. Take that, Temperance League!

The romance (and reputation) of absinthe is undeniable — you've probably heard that it causes hallucinations, that it's super-dangerous, super-alcoholic, or similar such stories. Thing is, it's all nonsense.

In the early 20th century, Europe and America banned together in outrage, because every generation needs its thing to outrage against. Absinthe was demonized as the source of all sorts of things, and the so-called Green Fairy was condemned by polite and responsible society. But when olde-timey absinthe was analyzed by the much more modern Chemical & Veterinary Investigation Laboratory in Germany, they found that there was definitively nothing in absinthe that would cause effects like the ones usually attributed to it.

The culprit is usually pegged to be thujone, a chemical that's present in modern absinthe, too. It was believed that there was too little thujone in modern samples to cause the same kind of madness that had originally given absinthe its reputation, but there's no real difference between modern stuff and the green fire that Van Gogh was drinking when he cut off his ear. They did note that people probably weren't making up their hallucinations just to be cool, but that it was probably sheer volume that brought on the ill effects. So go ahead, drink up. It's not going to make you see pink elephants, but drink too much and you might pass out ... you know, like what happens when you drink too much Goldschlager.

You know the person that swears off a certain kind of liquor because they say it makes them mean, sad, or more hungover in the morning? Science says that person is fill of it.

We'll start by explaining there's actually been a couple of studies done on this, because of course there's been. In 1984, rats were injected with different kinds of liquor and monitored for the development of drunken behavior — while the type of liquor didn't change how they acted, there's no word on whether or not it changed how they felt, you know, emotionally speaking. Another study looked at the difference in how vodka and bourbon impacted volunteers' moods, and there was no real, observable, obvious difference.

There's a couple of different explanations for why you might experience different emotions or states of drunkenness, and none involve the actual type of alcohol. One theory says that if you look at your drink of choice, you know exactly what it's going to take to get you feeling good, tipsy, then hammered. Switch things up a bit, and your normal routine is gone. You might even be drinking different concentrations of liquor, and that's not going to make life easy. Another theory says that it might be the mixers you're using, and that the Red Bull you're starting to mix with your vodka is going to act differently than the tonic you usually have with your gin. Also, it might have something to do with the power of belief, too. If you think you're going to be a jerk when you start drinking tequila, then you might be drinking that tequila for an excuse to be a jerk. Don't do that. Don't be a jerk.

Drinking some more on the morning after to help kick a hangover is questionable wisdom that's been around since the 16th century, when it was believed that putting some literal hair, from the dog who bit you, into the open wound would prevent rabies. That's crazy, and drinking more to get rid of a hangover is just as crazy.

That's because of how hangovers work. Symptoms appear when blood-alcohol content reaches zero again, so knocking back another Long Island Iced Tea with breakfast is just going to keep your BAC above zero. Sure, that's going to postpone symptoms a bit, but they're still going to show up. (Unless you just keep drinking, and we absolutely don't recommend that.) There's other factors, too, and hangovers actually include things like an outraged immune system that's rushing to do damage control. Add in alcohol's diuretic effects and irritating effects on your stomach and no, adding more insult to injury isn't going to help. In fact, nothing will — maybe someday, you'll learn your lesson.

Every so often, news about the benefits of a nightly glass of red wine makes the rounds on social media, and everyone shares it like they've never heard it before. That makes people who don't care for red wine feel a bit left out, and we're about to make beer drinkers feel very smug indeed.

In 2016, Pennsylvania State University released their findings, based on a survey of 80,000 adults. They found that a daily pint (or two) helped improve cholesterol, and also reduced the risk of heart disease and stroke. That was added to a massive list of beer benefits, including findings that indicate moderate beer consumption was linked to a decreased risk of kidney stones, of atherosclerosis (clogged arteries), Alzheimer's, cataracts, and diabetes, and it raised some good things, too. Moderate beer drinking increased production of silicon, which leads to stronger bones, and it also introduced a chemical called xanthohumol to the diet. That's been shown to lower chances of something called metabolic syndrome, which includes all sorts of nasty things like high blood pressure. It's also been suggested that beer contains chemicals that help the body halt the growth of disease, and that might just be the breakthrough that's needed in cancer research.

So, there you have it. Drink beer — in moderation — for good health. Just try not to remember that alcohol also causes cancer. You can decide if it's worth it or not!