The Dumbest Dog Breed In The World

First things first: if you're studying up on different dog breeds, it can be difficult to get a straight answer on which one is, broadly speaking, the least intelligent. There are plenty of reasons for this. For one thing, perspicacity exists on a spectrum, and it would be madness to say that a breed which doesn't pick up on tricks with the same swiftness as others isn't, say, more emotionally intelligent or better at geography. 

But more than that, it seems that most people are unwilling or, deep down in their soul, unable to call any particular kind of dog "stupid," as this would mean admitting that there was anything wrong with man's best friend. At best, most folks will shed some light on the intellectual shortcomings of a breed with a caveat like "but they're so agile and elegant" or "what they lack in book smarts they make up for in loyalty." It makes sense. Why throw shade at something which, at the end of the day, seems to exist with the sole purpose of loving us to pieces? Nobody would want to do that.

Until now.

The Afghan hound is dumber than the dumbest dumb-dumb

See that? That's an Afghan hound, and it's the dumbest sack of worthless junk. Just look at that dumb, dumb dog. The Afghan hound has fewer survival instincts than Sears. If the Afghan hound was a person, it would be the kind of person who thinks that they're interesting because they go to parties and tell people that mouthwash doesn't do anything. In the realm of bad dog ideas, the creation of the Afghan hound ranks up there with Poochinski, the 90s TV pilot where Peter Boyle turns into an English bulldog and tries to hook up with his secretary.

To be fair, Afghan hounds, which regularly top the lists of "least intelligent dogs," weren't bred to be our friends. They were designed to be hunters. Are they fast? Yes. Might their perceived dumbness simply be a misinterpreted single-mindedness? Sure. But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to call Afghan hounds dumb. Afghan hounds are dumb. The American Kennel Club describes them as "a special breed for special people." Normally a description that loaded has to be kept in a safe so the kids won't get into it.

Anyway, the point here is, if you were looking for a purebred Afghan hound, you'd have a pretty great shot at adopting a smarter mutt at your local animal shelter. They won't be able to take down a deer with the same machine-like efficiency as an Afghan hound, but, on the up side, they'll also be literally anything besides an Afghan hound, which, to be clear, would make it so painfully stupid.