Sorry, Kiss Fans — The Band's Comeback Hit About Rock 'N' Roll Is Actually So Corny

In the early 1990s, Kiss reached the upper echelon of the pop and rock charts for the first time in many years with a couple of hits that were both cheesy in their own way. "Forever" was a ballad reminiscent of the '70s Kiss staple "Beth," and co-written by, of all people, soft-rock king Michael Bolton (who once auditioned for Black Sabbath). And then in 1991, Kiss hit it big with the fist-pumping anthem "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II." Not only was it a return to success for Kiss, but it was also a return to form — in the worst way.

There are many rock songs, particularly from the '70s and '80s, that are about rock music and how great it is. They were all preaching to the choir — bands didn't really need to sell the merits of rock to people listening to rock radio or buying rock LPs. Such songs were also extremely and unnecessarily defensive of rock music, as if it wasn't a culturally and commercially dominant form of expression and was illegal or something. Along with classic rock staples like Sammy Hagar's "There's Only One Way to Rock" and AC/DC's "Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution," Kiss aggressively populated the rock-about-rock subgenre with "Rock and Roll All Nite," "Detroit Rock City," "Shout It Out Loud," and "I Love It Loud." All are cringe-worthy, but none more so than "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II."

In the '70s, Kiss packed arenas and sold millions of albums on the back of its concept: Its members wore costumes and makeup that corresponded to sci-fi characters, and its stage show was loaded with pyrotechnics and special effects. In 1983, when Kiss dropped most of those flourishes, the messed up reality of Kiss emerged: Without the bag of tricks, it was just another hard-rock band, sounding like so many other generic groups that it had likely inspired. The attention and hits waned, but the group received a big opportunity with a slot on the soundtrack to 1991's rock comedy "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey." Rather than come up with a new rock song about rock, Kiss decided to cover "God Gave Rock and Roll to You," an obscure 1973 track by Argent. Kiss' Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons rewrote a lot of the lyrics, which enabled them to claim songwriting credit as well as a lot of the blame for how incredibly cornball the song is. 

Retitled "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II" because of Kiss' contributions, the results were just plain embarrassing.

Much like Kiss' other pro-rock singles, "God Gave Rock and Roll to You II" never actually defines what rock music is, nor does it explain why it's in need of positive affirmation. Instead, it suggests that rock was bestowed upon humanity by a loving creator. That's a profound idea given no backup. Paul Stanley warbles and wails his way through simplistic, inanely rhyming lyrics, suggesting that dissatisfaction in life ("you're getting less than what you're looking for / you don't have money or a fancy car") can be solved with "a loud guitar." Not only that, Kiss proclaims, but if you do form a rock band, you've got to work hard at it — even though, confusingly, rock 'n' roll is a magical gift from above.

"God Gave Rock and Roll to You II" is the sound of a band with no new ideas desperately striving for relevance. It's produced to sound like a hair metal song, and it's so thinly written that it takes the band to a whole new level of corniness. Kiss chants the chorus (which already consists mostly of the title) a full half-dozen times, with its sentiment sounding dumber and goofier each time. To mix it up, Stanley often has to interject awkward filler ad-libs befitting a '50s crooner, like "I gotta tell ya," while struggling to be heard over his bandmates' needless and already dated guitar noodling.