What True Fans Will Hate About The Force Awakens
A whole new chapter is about to be added to the classic space saga Star Wars, but if Jar Jar Binks taught us anything, it's that adding to a good thing can be a very, very bad thing. Star Wars fans are intense with their loves and criticisms, so what will they probably hate most about The Force Awakens?
The Lightsaber
In one of the first promo shots for the film, an unknown character is seen holding a lightsaber with a glowing crossguard, but nerds know that Jedi warriors have never needed any kind of hand protection before. Ewan McGregor, once a young Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, also questioned the choice, citing a limitation of flexibility during a fight... but maybe after nine cut off hands through six films it was time for the Jedi to improve their methods a bit.
The Red Arm
We've all accepted the dumb idea that the delicate droid C-3PO was actually built by a young Darth Vader, and we've even watched him evolve from a mess of bare wires into the golden droid we know today, but in The Force Awakens, it seems that he's taken on a weird, red arm. The story of this prosthesis may or may not be told, as the mystery of the droid's one silver leg was never really addressed either, but expect fans to balk at the slightest change.
The Return Of The Ewoks
At the age of 13, Warwick Davis took on one of his most memorable roles as Wicket the Ewok in Return of the Jedi. Many viewers of the trilogy hate the Ewoks, often seen as a ploy to sell cute toys, as well as an unlikely race of creatures to defeat an army of Stormtroopers, but with Warwick signing on for the new film, it's rumored that the weird little bears are back. As long as the Gungans never show up again, we have a deal.
The Breakup Of The Century
Everyone just assumed that Han Solo and Princess Leia got married and had little half-Jedi babies after the second Death Star blew up... but what if they didn't? So far, there's no mention of Leia's surname, married or otherwise, in any cast listings, so some fans think that it's to hide a different romance, or worse, eternal crazy cat lady status. She did seem pretty taken by those Ewoks...
Non-Canon
When it seemed like George Lucas wasn't going to follow through on his nine-film magnum opus, writers crafted a Lucas-approved continuation of the Star Wars universe, introducing Han and Leia's three kids, more Darths, and a whole lot of story that has always been treated as canonical. The new film seems to toss all of this away, proving definitively that reading anything is a waste of time.
Trek Wars
The Force Awakens is directed and scripted by JJ Abrams, the same guy who revitalized the Star Trek franchise into a moody, cross-dimensional new thing. While no one is complaining that madman George Lucas has stepped back, does Abrams have enough breadth to keep the two warring properties aesthetically separate?
Midi-Chlorians
Midi-chlorians, almost as hated as Jar Jar, are a really smart bacteria that have something to do with using The Force. While Lucas had the idea back in 1977, it wasn't introduced to the films until 1999, and fans hated the idea that Jedi magic wasn't completely spiritual. Abrams may try to elaborate on the idea where Lucas couldn't, but the damage has already been done. Give us magic, not genius germs.
Building An Army
Fans have spent thousands of dollars on building the perfect Stormtrooper action figure army, identical white helmet after identical white helmet. When the Prequel Trilogy came out, they had to build a very slightly different Clone Trooper army. With an even more slightly-different helmet design for these new 'Troopers, that's like thirty weeks' allowance down the drain just trying to keep up.
Any Deviation Whatsoever From Nostalgia
Let's face it – Star Wars fans are intense, but not without good reason. The Original Trilogy is an awesome combination of space opera and hero myth, with likeable and interesting characters, and infinite possibilities... but often viewed through a shroud of warm nostalgia. Because change is the enemy of nostalgia, every little thing that deviates from what we've loved for decades will come under intense scrutiny.