The surprising truth about the Satanic Bible

People know Satan as a snake in the grass, the sinister whisper you hear when you play awesome rock songs backwards, and the resident lifeguard at the lake of fire. And since someone would only go to that lake after they die, Satan can't be a lifeguard, which just goes to show that the Devil is a liar. But nobody associates Satan with good advice or good anything else unless you're somebody like Anton LaVey

A musician and ex-carnival worker, according to History, LaVey founded the Church of Satan, earning him the moniker "Black Pope." He also penned the Satanic Bible, a verbal melange of philosophy, rationalism, black magic, occult ideas, and anti-Christian criticisms. While that sounds like a recipe book for evil, this unusual cookbook might not end in eternal hellfire.

The Devil you don't know

Admittedly, the phrases "black magic" and "Satanic ritual" don't instill a lot of confidence when looking for sound moral guidance. People picture human sacrifices, doleful incantations, and possibly "Dungeons and Dragons." But before you burst into a Satanic panic, just know that according to Lifehack, "The Satan described by LaVey isn't the one the Church Lady warned you about." In fact, while LaVey sounds like a bonafide horndog in the text, the Devil has no horns, no dog, and no other body parts. Instead, Satan serves as a symbol for leading a joyous life.

LaVey makes it clear from the get-go that "under NO circumstances would a Satanist sacrifice any animal or baby!" There's apparently mention of sacrificing a human who's "asking to be cursed by their very action." However, per Learning Religions, just like Satan, that sacrifice is symbolic. The site explains that LaVeyan Satanists are atheists, and thus "sacrificing a life to appease Satan is nonsensical." 

Don't be ashamed to be human

While it's okay to wish harm unto people who harm others or wish you had other people's things, according to the book, people shouldn't commit crimes. Instead, you should pursue a life of pleasure by, well, pleasuring yourself. LaVey also stresses the importance of consent when looking for bedroom pleasure partner. The larger point is that there's no shame in indulging your desires in a non-criminal way. Accordingly, lust, greed, envy, and the other traditionally deadly sins aren't seen as sins at all but rather basic aspects of being human.