The Quietest Cat Breed In The World

Have you ever looked at your cutie patootie kitty – or any kitty for that matter — and wished with all your heart and soul that it would shut the fluff up? We're asking for a friend, and maybe that friend is you. Admit it. At least once in your life you've found yourself around an adorable ball of feline sweetness and felt your insides silently convulse with rage as that animal rudely flapped its fat cat mouth. Maybe you prayed for some non-cruel way to put the fear of God into that yapping cat. Despite your piety, the cat refuses to be as quiet as a church mouse. Soon the infernal mewing is drowned out by your own delirious screams.

There are different ways to solve this very real, very serious problem. The best but least feasible option is to invite a mime to live with you and convince your quiet clown to put on cat ears, cram themselves into invisible boxes, and cough up actual hairballs. But assuming you lack the resources for that sort of thing or are just really dead-set on having a nonhuman pet, here are some cats that get their own tongues.

Whispering whiskers

Obviously, the world's quietest feline breed of is the mime cat, but after that the idea of ranking them gets a bit hairy because how do you really compare quietness across all the world's cat varieties? Throw in the fact that differentiating cat breeds is difficult and arguably kind of arbitrary to begin with, and you can see how it might be difficult to pin down an expert on which specific breed is the quietest on the entire planet. Luckily, you won't hear how difficult it is because Kitten Toob has a list of cutie patootie kitties whose default setting is shutting the fluff up.

That list includes Bengals, Persians, and British Shorthairs, the last of which Kitten Toob describes as "aloof" because of stereotypes. You could also get a Ragdoll, but unfortunately, they might unleash "one loud meow" if you reject their affections. So it might be better to get a fake cat that's a real rag doll so you can be as un-affectionate as you want.