Reasons why Ghost Hunters is totally fake

Ghost Hunters is about, well, hunting ghosts. The TAPS — The Atlantic Paranormal Society — team investigates various haunted places, hoping to capture proof of the supernatural on film. It's supposedly reality but, like a bunch of other shows about things that don't exist, this show is very much faked. There are dozens of things that should prove to even the most faithful Ghost Hunters fan that it's all a bit of spooky smoke. For instance…

They pretend they're the first investigators, when they almost never are

TAPS investigates many, many different places, but the wonderful thing about almost all of them is that TAPS is first on the scene, like every time. Despite the haunting occurring for years, decades even, absolutely no other opportunistic ghost hunting groups have ever come and gone. Which, okay, that sounds fake. Turns out, it is!

Despite the fact that TAPS claims to be the first ones ever to investigate, most of these places have been investigated by other paranormal groups before. It makes sense, in a cynical way. After all, if you let people know that a place has been investigated before, and nothing was proven, that's a pretty big spoiler for how this episode is going to end. That said, it's a bit creepy how heavily they emphasize being the first ones in the place. It's like TAPS are the ghost-hunting equivalent of a gross frat boy who desperately claims he slept with a virgin.

Some of the drama's fake

If you've watched Ghost Hunters — or, honestly, any reality show — you know that it's not just about the job, but about relationships and drama. Problem is, a lot of its faked. This show's not content faking what the dead do, but also what the living do.

For instance, one of the first big dramatic events was a bunch of equipment in the back of a TAPS van being lost. One of the cast members was asked about it and (we're going to paraphrase here because he, well, isn't the best at spelling) he said that it all was "FAKE FAKE FAKE." The entire event was apparently designed for the show, one of the things "stolen" was bought back by the production crew, and it was just made to appear like it was lost. Another item that supposedly was lost was a mouse, but it was found in the truck the next day — the show just never covered that. He finished with (un-paraphrased now), "The show was scripted when in camer to allt he drama and that is the facts!!!" Well said.

It's scripted, and people have even found scripts

OK, we've given plenty of reasons why Ghost Hunters is fake, but it can't be outright scripted, right? It's not like an actual script lying around or something, right? Oh, like the one an actual paranormal investigator claims to have found lying around at one of their shooting sites? But hey, it's not like anyone can see this script or anything, right?

Nope! In fact, one group who reportedly found a script even uploaded it online for everyone to see. It even includes step-by-step instructions for all the different "characters." For instance, it reads in one part: "NICOLE – Head to the sounds of 'dragging'. SOMETHING BEING DRAGGED!" That's some superb writing there. Obviously, the Ghost Hunters insist the document is fake, but honestly, what do you expect them to say? This is a group of people who pretend ghosts are real for a living — you think they couldn't li about a piece of paper to your face too?

TAPS pretended to be a not-for-profit organization to make money and keep it

It's not just the show, but even the people behind the show that are fake! The organization that Ghost Hunters documents, TAPS, pretended to be a not-for-profit organization. You know, those things globally known for helping others and not, you know, pretend-hunting ghosts on television? Hell, TAPS even was taking donations, which seems super-skeevy for an entertainment-based ghost business to do.

Oh, but don't worry, apparently TAPS was actually helping out. Maybe! According to its website, "TAPS is a non-profit organization dedicated to educating and helping those interested in or troubled by the paranormal." The group even claimed that all of their ghost-busting tech was paid for with the "slim" donations they received, but according to others, the producers pay for all their high-tech gear. So, who's telling the truth? Probably not the people who pretend to see ghosts for a living and pretend to be a non-profit. Just saying.

Real parapsychologists hate them

Honestly, the main thing that surprises us here is that there are real parapsychologists. But apparently, there really are people wholeheartedly devoted to the study of the paranormal and supernatural, on what awaits us after death, quietly doing their work in the shadows, and these people absolutely hate the Ghost Hunters.

One person complains that the show's success is going to encourage people to perform investigations into their own hauntings which, according to every horror movie we've ever seen, is a really bad idea. One other, more direct reason is something we can all respect — the Ghost Hunters are taking away their money. Before this group went on television, "actual" parapsychologists were invited on talk shows and got to do lectures, but now it's all members of the Ghost Hunters. That would maybe be okay except for, well, all the other stuff we've mentioned so far.

The Ghost Hunters, according to "real" parapsychologists, are all fakers, pretending to hunt for ghosts, but really just hunting for ratings. They, on the other hand, are interested in the scientific method, and use logic to learn the truth behind some truly ridiculous stuff. These people believe that Ghost Hunters, and shows like it, are giving them a bad name. That's like some restaurant inventing a burger so terrible that McDonald's claims it's harming their street cred.

Ghost Hunters actually accused a business of fraud

Now, while a lot of accusations have been sent flying about the legitimacy of numerous reality shows, most of the shows' responses at least rise above the level of "nuh-ahhhh, you are!" But not Ghost Hunters.

See, in one episode, the Ghost Hunters were Ghost Hunting, couldn't find any ghosts, and concluded that — dun dun dun — the ship they were investigating wasn't actually haunted. It was all faked by one of the people working there! With the boldness that comes only with having your own TV show, they "exposed" the employee and left, heads held high, besmirching the business with a horrible reputation as a gaggle of fraudsters.

Oh, and the employee who supposedly did the faking? Don't worry, it's not like they received any heat or hate for it, she just — oh, wait, it was a girl? Oh, then of course she got plenty of hate, including death threats. Apparently the viewers were like, "She faked a ghost? We'll make her a ghost!", because people are just the worst.

After hearing about it, another pair of investigators showed up because, as mentioned, all real paranormal investigators hate Ghost Hunters. Also, maybe don't blame the people hanging around a non-haunted place for your failed hauntings? After investigating, the group figured out that the Ghost Hunters were, politely, pulling it all out of their rear. Yes, it turns out that TAPS lied and thrust the blame on an employee because when you fake drama, you need to fake it anywhere you can.

At least one TAPS member claims to have never seen a ghost

According to Steve Gonsalves, a member of TAPS, he has never seen a single ghost, apparition, nothing! The ghost guy has never seen a ghost– that's like a zookeeper insisting they've never even laid eyes on a zebra.

Okay, so what has he seen? According to Gonsalves, he's seen "objects moving, things falling that doesn't make sense, smells." While being able to see a smell sounds awesome, the rest is just normal stuff that everyone has had some experience with. Our first reaction to something falling isn't "ACK, a ghost," but that's why we don't make the Ghost Hunter bucks, apparently.

He also said that if anyone ever does see a ghost, we shouldn't be afraid which simply makes the show way more boring. He claims everyone's interested in life after death, which is true, but most of us don't decide to become reality show stars who fake reactions at nothing while admitting we've never seen the thing we're supposed to be reacting to. Although, again, maybe that's why we're not making the Ghost Bucks.

There's money in pretending your business is haunted

We've presented a lot of evidence here, but good old common sense and an inkling of business acumen is all you really need. Simply put, there's a ton of cash to be made in owning and operated a haunted location. While this doesn't necessarily mean that every place the Ghost Hunters visit — and shoot and show on television, like one giant commercial — are all places that don't actually have evil spectres or haunting haints, all we're saying is it makes perfect fiscal sense to play up the idea of being haunted, because then people wanna see.

For instance, one newspaper calculated "dark tourism" — best name for anything ever, by the by — is worth about $300 million! So while we're not saying that all of these places are just capitalizing on a terrible, shady show to make a quick buck … we're not not saying it, either.