The Untold Truth Of Finding Bigfoot

What term comes to mind when you think about mythical monsters that live in the woods and mountains? Is it Bigfoot? Given that the show we're talking about is called Finding Bigfoot, then yeah, probably. Maybe Sasquatch, if you want to get a wee bit more technical about things that aren't real.

However, another term is rising in prominence, thanks to this show — "Squatch." Despite their show's title directly referencing Bigfoot, the BFRO is actually responsible for "Squatch" rising in prominence. If you've ever watched as much as a commercial for this show, then you've seen someone say something like, "There's a Squatch in these woods." Because despite both the show and the organization having Bigfoot in the name, their preferred term is "Squatch." Why? Who decided this? We don't know, but we do think it's hilarious when they debate about which state is the Squatchiest. Yep, that's their term for a state having a preponderance of Bigfoots. This show is great, guys, for real.

What's the weirdest thing you can imagine Sasquatches like to eat? Well, let's think about this: Sasquatches live in the woods, aren't ever seen by humans, and are probably not literally Yogi the Bear stealing pic-a-nic baskets (though that'd be dope). So, berries, maybe? Animals? Normal things that creatures we know for sure live in the woods eat?

Or how about donuts, that just arise from the forest like fungi? The BFRO actually insists that sasquatches love them some donuts, along with chicken wings, bacon, and apples. But especially donuts — said one member of the BFRO, "Any scientific expert will tell you me and the 'Squatch like the same things." Then he seemed to realize how incredibly untrue it was and added, "Well, four out of five scientists say that." Oh, that's different then.

Look, where are you finding these scientists? Are you confusing them with, perhaps, message boards? While what these people are saying makes no sense, it's kinda reassuring that Squatches might like donuts. Apparently we do have some things in common with them.

Somehow, despite the show literally being about finding an entirely mythical creature, it has come under fire — legal fire. What, did Bigfoot sue them for making him look fat? Sadly, no — the real plaintiff is someone almost as mythical and mysterious as a Bigfoot ... a Florida Man.

This Florida Man sued BFRO President, Matt Moneymaker (yes, that's his real name) for defamation. He also sued the monster-hunting company Cryptomundo, which is not the BFRO, though they do have plenty in common and are likely delighted to see each other at parties. Florida Man was apparently upset that, after meeting Moneymaker at a Bigfoot-finding excursion, he was portrayed negatively in a Moneymaker blog post. Yep, that's literally why sued. A blogger implied he was mentally ill.

To recap: A dude named Moneymaker, who specializes in hunting fictional creatures and charging other people money to hunt the fictional creatures with him, is now expected to uphold a moral high ground. That couldn't have been spun positively if Superman had tried. (Superman, like the Bigfoot, is a completely fictional creature. Although watching a show called Finding Superman sounds dope, so get on that, TV people.)

When you're putting together a huge group dedicated to finding Bigfoot, what do you look for? Besides the thing that doesn't exist, we mean. How about the people who comb through the wilderness of America having at least a few things in common? On this kind of expedition, you'd want them to be dedicated, hard-working, preferably independently wealthy people who, believe in their whole hearts in the mission of Bigfoot.

However, not everyone on the show — not everyone in the Bigfoot Field Researcher Organization — actually believes in Bigfoot! Ranae Holland, for one, thinks Bigfoot is a load of hooey. However, she bonded with her father over Bigfoot movies and lore, plus a paycheck is a paycheck, so why not, right? To be honest, we'd be fine looking for Bigfoot if it paid well enough. It's like the immortal Winston Zeddemore said: "If there's a steady paycheck involved, I'll believe anything you say."

Yes indeed. You can take a moment to freak out about how a show revolving solely around a bunch of people — not all of whom believe in Bigfoot — running around the woods, screaming for Bigfoot, and recording things in terrible night vision, has lasted for nine entire seasons. That's almost nine seasons longer than Firefly. That's seven more than Pushing Daisies. That's eight more than The Honeymooners! That's also nine more than our reality show about people cancelling amazing shows while the audience watches, weeping.

However, despite the show chugging along for nine seasons over five solid years, it found exactly zero evidence of Bigfoot. Well, duh, obviously, but you'd think by Season 2, some executive would've realize they're being hornswoggled, and pulled the damn plug. Nope.

Cliff Crook was once a member of the BFRO. In fact, he helped create the group. But the rest of the group later ousted him because of a famed photo he claims to be Bigfoot. Problem is, the other head of the BFRO, Matt Moneymaker, claims the pic is actually of a sculpture made by Cliff Crook himself.

So there you have it. A guy named Matt Moneymaker accuses a guy named Cliff Crook of being a hoaxster, all over a picture of Bigfoot that Moneymaker claims is fake, while also denying that other, proven fake photos of Bigfoot are real! And again, the hoaxer's name is Crook. Is this show a cartoon? Is any of it real? Probably not. Nothing is real. Except, of course... Bigfoot.