The untold truth of Finding Bigfoot

Finding Bigfoot has introduced us to the weirdest creatures in existence — the BFRO (Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization), a group dedicated to, well, finding Bigfoot. You gotta admit, that's weirder than any Sasquatch could ever hope to be. Because this is the 2010s, they got a reality show, and we're here to tell you all about it.

The show popularized the term "Squatch"

What term comes to mind when you think about mythical monsters that live in the woods and mountains? Is it Bigfoot? Given that the show we're talking about is called Finding Bigfoot, then yeah, probably. Maybe Sasquatch, if you want to get a wee bit more technical about things that aren't real.

However, another term is rising in prominence, thanks to this show — "Squatch." Despite their show's title directly referencing Bigfoot, the BFRO is actually responsible for "Squatch" rising in prominence. If you've ever watched as much as a commercial for this show, then you've seen someone say something like, "There's a Squatch in these woods." Because despite both the show and the organization having Bigfoot in the name, their preferred term is "Squatch." Why? Who decided this? We don't know, but we do think it's hilarious when they debate about which state is the Squatchiest. Yep, that's their term for a state having a preponderance of Bigfoots. This show is great, guys, for real.

Don't compare mermaids to Bigfoot, or else they get mad

This world of ours is filled with wonders, some of which have never been proven. Loch Ness. Yeti. Sasquatch. Ghosts. Aliens. Mermaids … now hold on. You can't go putting "mermaids" in the same category as Sasquatches! That's just ridiculous. Mermaids are fake, and the mighty Sasquatch is oh-so-real. Or, at least, that's the argument put forth by the BFRO on Finding Bigfoot.

See, Animal Planet (the channel Finding Bigfoot airs on) created a fake series called Mermaids: The Body Found, a ~speculative~ documentary (ie, a fake one) about the discovery of mermaids. A bunch of people got mad, but no one got madder than the Finding Bigfoot family. The BFRO insists that, while mermaids are silly fantasy, Sasquatches are just so real. In fact, the members of the BFRO insist, "There's every kind of evidence that these things exist except bones … everything except a carcass." Just that one little thing!

Sasquatches like donuts, apparently

What's the weirdest thing you can imagine Sasquatches like to eat? Well, let's think about this: Sasquatches live in the woods, aren't ever seen by humans, and are probably not literally Yogi the Bear stealing pic-a-nic baskets (though that'd be dope). So, berries, maybe? Animals? Normal things that creatures we know for sure live in the woods eat?

Or how about donuts, that just arise from the forest like fungi? The BFRO actually insists that sasquatches love them some donuts, along with chicken wings, bacon, and apples. But especially donuts — said one member of the BFRO, "Any scientific expert will tell you me and the 'Squatch like the same things." Then he seemed to realize how incredibly untrue it was and added, "Well, four out of five scientists say that." Oh, that's different then.

Look, where are you finding these scientists? Are you confusing them with, perhaps, message boards? While what these people are saying makes no sense, it's kinda reassuring that Squatches might like donuts. Apparently we do have some things in common with them.

The cast firmly believes the famous Bigfoot video wasn't faked (spoiler alert: it was)

Bigfoot's a pretty well-known cultural touchstone nowadays, but it wasn't always that way. Bigfoot's popularity came about because of a super-famous video of what is supposedly Bigfoot walking through the forest. Honestly, it could also be a smudge as a camera is shaken. Or a moth. All we know is that, thanks to the documentary Hoax Of The Century (trailer above), the Bigfoot video has been proven completely false. It's not a monster. It's an anything-but-a-monster.

But that doesn't stop the BFRO. But it's not like they're saying that just because this video is faked, it doesn't mean there ain't a real Squatch. Nope, they straight-up insist the video is 100% real! Despite the fact that the video has absolutely, beyond a doubt, been proven to be false, right down to the people who made the thing admitting to it, the BFRO continue to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LA LA LA LA WE'RE NOT LISTENING!" Guess they just want to believe.

The time they were sued for defamation

Somehow, despite the show literally being about finding an entirely mythical creature, it has come under fire — legal fire. What, did Bigfoot sue them for making him look fat? Sadly, no — the real plaintiff is someone almost as mythical and mysterious as a Bigfoot … a Florida Man.

This Florida Man sued BFRO President, Matt Moneymaker (yes, that's his real name) for defamation. He also sued the monster-hunting company Cryptomundo, which is not the BFRO, though they do have plenty in common and are likely delighted to see each other at parties. Florida Man was apparently upset that, after meeting Moneymaker at a Bigfoot-finding excursion, he was portrayed negatively in a Moneymaker blog post. Yep, that's literally why sued. A blogger implied he was mentally ill.

To recap: A dude named Moneymaker, who specializes in hunting fictional creatures and charging other people money to hunt the fictional creatures with him, is now expected to uphold a moral high ground. That couldn't have been spun positively if Superman had tried. (Superman, like the Bigfoot, is a completely fictional creature. Although watching a show called Finding Superman sounds dope, so get on that, TV people.)

The National Parks Service got mad at one of cast members

The National Parks are probably the tamest part of the entire government body. It's dedicated entirely to maintaining giant forests. The people who work there are the librarians of the natural world. And somehow, a member of the BFRO, Matt Pruitt, found a way to tick them off. How? He needed a permit to operate a business on the Buffalo Reserve in Arkansas, but he didn't have one.

Now you might be thinking, no big, right? Just one guy doing his kinda-weird job, quietly waiting for Bigfoot — that doesn't sound so bad. Well, he wasn't working his business alone. He was with thirty other people, who had paid him between $300-500 to lead him on a three-day expedition in the Reserve, in an attempt to find Bigfoot. Because it's not just about finding Bigfoot — it's also about taking other people's money so they can find Bigfoot.

Despite how he has, presumably, even the smallest amount of common sense, he somehow didn't check with the National Parks service before doing this. Apparently, while he believes in Bigfoot, he doesn't believe in regulations. Maybe they should be called squatchulations? Nope, not sorry for that one.

Not everyone on the show believes in Bigfoot

When you're putting together a huge group dedicated to finding Bigfoot, what do you look for? Besides the thing that doesn't exist, we mean. How about the people who comb through the wilderness of America having at least a few things in common? On this kind of expedition, you'd want them to be dedicated, hard-working, preferably independently wealthy people who, believe in their whole hearts in the mission of Bigfoot.

However, not everyone on the show — not everyone in the Bigfoot Field Researcher Organization — actually believes in Bigfoot! Ranae Holland, for one, thinks Bigfoot is a load of hooey. However, she bonded with her father over Bigfoot movies and lore, plus a paycheck is a paycheck, so why not, right? To be honest, we'd be fine looking for Bigfoot if it paid well enough. It's like the immortal Winston Zeddemore said: "If there's a steady paycheck involved, I'll believe anything you say."

One former member was a consultant on Harry and the Hendersons

One of the members of this group — the one that works entirely to find and hunt sasquatches, helped make one of the most important Bigfoot films of all time — Harry and the Hendersons!

Yes, when making Harry and the Hendersons, a fantasy film about a kid becoming best friends with a Sasquatch, the creators apparently went, "You know what this movie needs? More realism! Get me a Sasquatch researcher." So they called Cliff Crook, who had been hunting Bigfoots for a long time, and even helped create the BFRO (though he's no longer a member). In fact, the main Squatch of the film was based on Crook's description of what a Bigfoot actually is.

Is this really a thing directors do: hire consultants for things that don't really exist? Or is it just this one? Either way, we are now officially Hot Blondes Who Make Out With Schlubby Dudes consultants. We expect to get a call from Judd Apatow shortly.

Nine seasons, and still no evidence

Yes indeed. You can take a moment to freak out about how a show revolving solely around a bunch of people — not all of whom believe in Bigfoot — running around the woods, screaming for Bigfoot, and recording things in terrible night vision, has lasted for nine entire seasons. That's almost nine seasons longer than Firefly. That's seven more than Pushing Daisies. That's eight more than The Honeymooners! That's also nine more than our reality show about people cancelling amazing shows while the audience watches, weeping.

However, despite the show chugging along for nine seasons over five solid years, it found exactly zero evidence of Bigfoot. Well, duh, obviously, but you'd think by Season 2, some executive would've realize they're being hornswoggled, and pulled the damn plug. Nope.

The show is faked, and the casts hates that

Yep, Finding Bigfoot is fake. We don't mean Bigfoot is fake (though he is), we mean the whole show is faked. How do we know that? The cast of the show themselves has admitted it themselves! Granted, they haven't outright said, "Yes, Bigfoot is a lie and so are we, chastise us," but they have, on multiple occasions, blatantly made things appear misleading.

For instance, a heat spot in the distance? The show's producers edit it to make it seem like it might actually be a Bigfoot. But in reality, it was actually a horse (unless Bigfeet can turn into horses, which would explain why no one ever finds them). Somehow, the BFRO members have more decency than show producers, and get incredibly mad whenever the show attempts to deceive the audience. Apparently, to them, the show and its mission is important enough to be shown, without any gimmicky camera or editing tricks.

To recap, the stars of a fake show about hunting a fake monster get mad when the producers make the show even faker. Does your head hurt yet? Ours does.

One of them has been accused of being a hoaxer, by the group he formerly belonged to

Cliff Crook was once a member of the BFRO. In fact, he helped create the group. But the rest of the group later ousted him because of a famed photo he claims to be Bigfoot. Problem is, the other head of the BFRO, Matt Moneymaker, claims the pic is actually of a sculpture made by Cliff Crook himself.

So there you have it. A guy named Matt Moneymaker accuses a guy named Cliff Crook of being a hoaxster, all over a picture of Bigfoot that Moneymaker claims is fake, while also denying that other, proven fake photos of Bigfoot are real! And again, the hoaxer's name is Crook. Is this show a cartoon? Is any of it real? Probably not. Nothing is real. Except, of course… Bigfoot.