Craziest Kickstarter Failures Of All-Time

First of all, we need to discuss how horrible this product's name is — Skarp sounds like a character on Street Sharks who didn't make the cut. Speaking of cut, apparently the Skarp Laser Razor didn't do a great job with cutting hair, yet because they dazzled folks with the idea of laser technology, the Skarp company was able to raise over $4 million.

However, Kickstarter suspended the campaign, because they require that there needs to be a working prototype. Skarp took their business elsewhere — and by elsewhere, we mean IndieGogo — and finally produced a video that showed a working prototype ... kind of. The prototype technically did work, but not well. In fact, the razor could only cut two hairs at a time, perfect for those folks who like to make shaving an event that takes a few days. You know — when you want to be one with yourself and you can pretend you're Captain Picard while you do some extensive bodyscaping. "Sorry, I can't make plans with you this weekend, I have to stay home all day Saturday and Sunday to shave my soul patch."

Tiny drones are a dime a dozen now, but back in early 2015, they were somewhat of a novelty. UK-based Torquing Group set up a Kickstarter for their smartphone-controlled drone called ZANO in January of that year. Something like a palm-sized drone with the ability to take selfies and HD video shouldn't have a problem raising funds, and it didn't. In fact, it was a Kickstarter darling — the self-proclaimed "most sophisticated nano drone in the world" exceeded its goal of £125,000 ($190,000) and managed to raise over £2 million (almost $2.5 million).

The folks over at Torquing Group promised they would be shipping out drones to backers six months later. Just like our favorite space-aged laser razor, ZANO didn't deliver what they promised, and people started to get suspicious when they got zilch. ZANO was still in the prototype stage when they should have been shipping out drones — also, according to Slate, Torquing Group was up to their eyeballs in debt and used some of the money for dubious purposes, like buying BMWs for high-profile investors.

Torquing Group ended up going bankrupt, but they did manage to send a handful of ZANOs out to backers in November, 2015. The verdict: dollar-store balsa wood planes could fly better than the ZANO, and those lucky enough to actually get one were extremely disappointed.

What do you get when you combine '90s PC-style gameplay, misogyny, and cheese that tastes well on a burger? You get an idea from William Tihin called Monterey Jack: Pimp Simulator. With only $305 pledged by 7 backers (we guarantee none of those backers were members of Tihin's family) and a lofty goal of $44,300, even if you've been drinking from your pimp cup all day, you'll know why this Kickstarter about smacking ladies of the night on the mean streets of Pimpadelphia failed miserably.

Apparently, Tihin suspended the campaign on his own, probably before Kickstarter found out that he was trying to get money for a game that literally promotes violence against women. After all, at least the Grand Theft Auto franchise has compelling storylines — this game stars a dude named after a dairy product. But you have to hand it to Tihin (literally, because the main character in this game was a pair of hands) — he had long term goals like Oculus rift support, a VR strip club simulator mini game, and a zoo district. Who knew pimps like to hang out at the zoo on their days off?

The Crystal Wash 2.0 promises that it will clean your laundry without so-called "harmful" detergents. All you need to do is toss this thing that eerily resembles the Death Star in your washing machine and you're good to go. Kickstarter liked the product so much, they actually made it a staff pick, which helped them raise close to $269,000.

However, the Crystal Wash 2.0 is pure poppycock, no matter what the mommy blogger or cool hipcat Youtube personality du jour says. Yes, these balls will kind-of clean your clothes, but they certainly won't get them as clean as regular old detergent. It's basically if you ran your washing machine with nothing but water. What's more: laundry ball products that promise clean clothes via "charging molecules" have been around since the 1990s, and even the Federal Trade Commission put a consumer alert out to warn about these products. And yet, despite the many claims that the product is hokum, and the decades of proof that products just like it are hokum, the Crystal Wash has rave reviews on Amazon (maybe one or two aren't paid for by the company, who knows!) and are available to purchase.

The early days of Kickstarter were like the Wild West — case in point, back in 2012, a couple from Kentucky had the novel idea of producing a cookie that both you and your dog could enjoy together. Or rather, "enjoy," because although we didn't try Little Eatz, we're positive we wouldn't choose a bag of them over Thin Mints, or even stale store brand "chocolate with vanilla cream" cookies. Besides, we already have food we and our dogs both enjoy: our food.

Little Eatz only made $251, but the company was still able to chug along for a couple of years before calling it quits in 2014. The couple behind the product announced via Facebook back in 2016 that they started a new venture called Table Waiters. You know the people who are seat fillers at the Oscars? Well, it's similar to that, but instead of folks keeping Matt Damon's chair warm while he runs to the bathroom, these people have the less-glamorous job of waiting at a chain restaurant in suburbia, because somehow Becky Soccer Mom is too important to actually wait twenty minutes at Outback Steakhouse. Currently, the page for Table Waiters has three likes on Facebook, so they probably won't have a crowdfunding campaign anytime soon.