Your Hashtag Sucks: Oct 7

For one day, Internet denizens were assaulted by coffee facts that everyone heard last year, coffee-drinking selfies, and an unending barrage of comments about how coffee is the life-giver, the morning-maker, the god-killer, and the soul-awakener. Perhaps the lonely people on the Internet were just celebrating a banal commonality, but coffee awareness is not something that needs a boost. Perhaps you'll come to your senses after a cup or three, you caffeine-addicted sheep.

Burger King brought their A1-infused hamburger buns to America just in time to be spooky for Halloween, and with the unnaturally black bread came waves of premature derision from fast foodies everywhere. While A1 is the undisputed king of all meat condiments, dollar menu diners reported that the buns tasted burnt, and that they turned the eaters' excrement green. The #HalloweenWhopper hashtag quickly turned from photos of the burger to public photos of the intestinal aftermath, and mankind stumbled closer to the void.

Peeple, an app that was designed to rate people, exploded on Twitter when one of its co-founders described it as "Yelp for people," which seemed to position the app as fertile ground for cyberbullying. While the company later stated that the app would only include people who opt into the program and was designed to share love, the duo seem to remain oblivious to the evil implications of their work, and that fake profiles are pretty easy to make. Unfortunately, the company also seriously derailed an existing company called Peeple which manufactures a security camera for peepholes, which is now desperately trying to clear its name.

A hashtag to promote Bad Girls Club, a reality show which follows a group of women who, and we quote Wikipedia here, exhibit violence, "rascally" behavior, and dangerous mental illness issues. The first things that the #BGC14 tag brings up are images of nudity and violence, so there's your collective psyche, America. This is who you've become, and why #positivebehavior or #selfawareness will never be a trending hashtag.

Another self-righteous hashtag meant to emphasize how incredibly difficult it was to grow up in a time before anyone knew it was difficult, #WhenIWasYourAge also exists to criticize younger generations for how easy they have it. Because cyberbullying, increased social pressures to embrace antisocial behaviors, wealth inequality, and the death of the American dream are all super easy to deal with. #WhenIWasYourAge, things sucked in different ways, and Super Mario didn't run his mouth all of the time.

An excuse for people to pull the one book they own off of their dusty shelf and take a selfie while they pretend to read it. We all know that the only reading anyone does is on the toilet, that's just the instructions to that dumb Farm Heroes game. While promoting the fading art of reading is important, stopping to take a picture of yourself behind a book is surely disruptive to the process. It's like putting your moment of silence on Vine. Don't do it.

Pretty Little Liars star Shay Mitchell co-wrote a book about being young and dumb in Vancouver, and as part of her promotional tour, she took to Twitter to answer fans' questions. The quality of the book is questionable, judging by Amazon's trusty "Look Inside" feature, which reveals that one of the main characters is described as having "high, hard melon boobs." The story also includes Sophia, an aspiring "Irish and Filipona" actress who is very obviously Mitchell herself, but who cares what happens to her after hearing the phrase "hard melon boobs"?