Why There Doesn't Need To Be An Ant-Man Sequel

Ant-Man was a solid Marvel origin story flick. It hit every item on their now tried-and-true checklist: quips, great action sequences, super-cool fake science, and the all-important Avengers tie-in. But it was a movie with a lighter tone obviously geared toward a younger audience, which we feel moved in the opposite direction from the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe trajectory. While we'll be glad to see Scott Lang don the suit to help The Avengers with some conveniently-tailored-for-him task, then smirk, quip, and dash off, we just don't know if we need another entire film about his adventures. Here's our spoiler-filled list of reasons why not.

Using Hank Pym's "particle" along with a special suit and helmet, Scott Lang can shrink himself to the size of an ant while retaining his full-size strength and speed. He can also communicate and control insects, and as just a regular human, he's a pretty solid electrical engineer. So, in Ant-Man, we see him bypass complex security systems, commandeer an army of ants to help him save the day, and repeatedly shrink and enlarge himself during multiple enjoyable and comical action sequences. The only possible thing he can do in a sequel are these same things in a different setting. And if The Hangover II has taught us anything, that's completely unnecessary. That said, if they want to make him fight Spider-Man in the next one, we'll give it a pass, just because entomologists would be ecstatic, and why not throw those people a bone? There's no way their lives are awesome.

While the genius intellects of Bruce Banner and Tony Stark somehow meld well, there's no room for a third egghead, especially since his specialty is electrical engineering. Tony seems to have a pretty good grasp on that area. Not to mention his zinger game is off the charts. When you want overt mockery or snarky asides, you look to Tony Stark, not Scott Lang. And Tony's not using particles or gas—he's got advanced robotics and AI at his disposal, not to mention a few billion dollars behind all of it. Scott? Oh, he got fired from Baskin Robbins. Okay, yes, he does have a cool suit, but let's be real here, is it anywhere near as cool as the Mark XLII in Iron Man 3 or the Hulkbuster suit from Age of Ultron? Not even close. Put it this way: when you're renting a car and they offer you a Cadillac and a Kia at the same price, which do you choose?

Michael Pena, T.I. and that other creepy guy are so obviously supposed to be comic relief it makes their parts in the overall story completely useless to the point that the screenwriters seemed to just make stuff up for them to do regardless of it making sense for the plot. By the end of the movie, they're reduced to distracting the cops with sophomoric hijinks that should have been ignored entirely, because a high-security building is under siege across the street. And hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if these petty criminals really love fine wine and waffles too? No, it would be dumb and arbitrary, which in a way, makes perfect sense for three dumb and arbitrary characters.

Easily the most endearing character of the movie, Ant 247, or "Antony," as Scott lovingly renames him, dies rather unceremoniously in a climactic battle with Darren Cross. Though he doesn't have any lines (because, uh, he was an ant), he obviously stands out above the rest of the colony since both Hank Pym and Scott both choose to entrust him with special duties. When he gets shot, Scott falls onto another ant, utters a cursory "No!" and flies off. The filmmakers don't even pause for the usual implausible moment where the hero stops everything at peril of almost certain death to lean over his fallen friend, lower an eyebrow for the close up, and leap back into action. The Wasp is set to appear alongside Ant-Man for the sequel, so how is Scott going to handle it if she gets taken out in the like of duty? Will he just slap her suit onto someone else like a parent who puts Sparky's collar on a new, similar looking dog so they don't have to explain to the kids that they backed out of the garage without looking? We don't know if we can take another round of that kind of callous heartbreak.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier was universally lauded as the best of the Marvel sequels, easily outdistancing its predecessor, and even surpassing the crowded, unfocused Avengers: Age of Ultron in terms of overall enjoyment. That said, it's definitely the exception to the rule, because Iron Man 2, Thor: The Dark World, and Iron Man 3 all had their share of problems. Between Mickey Rourke's inexplicable Russian accent and Terrence Howard's role-losing salary demands, what went down with Iron Man 2 should have been enough to dissuade Marvel from trying to milk three films a piece from each Avenger. But the studio knows it's printing money at this point, which is how we ended up with Thor: Evil Elves Or Something and Iron Man 3: Hey, What If Tony Barely Wears The Armor This Time? So, even if Ant-Man and the Wasp casts Nicolas Cage doing a southern accent and Michael Douglas demands to be carted around the set on a rickshaw, they'll probably still make half a billion dollars worldwide and the Marvel money train will just chug right along.

The next chapter in the story of a guy who can make himself really small and strong will occur in the same year after the following Marvel releases: Black Panther – The introduction of a mystical, super strong tribal king who has the ability to resist magic, can communicate with the dead, and wears an indestructible vibranium suit; and Avengers: Infinity War – Part 1 – Cosmic entities will collide over a powerful set of gems, which when wielded all together, basically turns the possessor into God. Call us crazy, but placed next to either of those stories, whatever Ant-Man does next couldn't matter less. It's going to be like sprawling out on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner, and then someone walks over and offers you a finger sandwich. No thanks, Marvel. We're stuffed.