These are the most disgusting animals on the planet

The animal kingdom is a beautiful, majestic thing…until it makes you want to puke your guts out and never leave the safety of your room, lest all of the horrible animals out there find you and destroy your soul. For real, nature can be some nasty business, and while all life is sacred, that doesn't mean that all life is attractive. Here are a few ugly, wonderful creatures that you'd never, ever want to keep as a pet.

Horned lizard

In scientific terms, it's called "ocular autohemorrhaging," but if you're just a regular person, you can call it "shooting blood from your eyes." When the horned lizard is threatened, it will shoot streams of its own bad-smelling blood from its face, at distances of up to five feet, by regulating cranial blood flow and rupturing its own blood vessels. There are few things less appetizing than being sprayed in the face by a stream of pungent lizard blood, so most predators just opt for a shower and the McDonalds drive-thru at that point.

Hagfish

If the name didn't already tip you off, spoiler alert, the hagfish is gross. While the eel-like invertebrate is usually just under two feet long, the big boys can reach over four feet, and they're the only known animal with a skull, but no spine. When agitated, the humble hagfish defends itself by oozing a whole lot of mucus out of pores along its body, totally killing the mood. Slime itself isn't an inherently gross defense mechanism, but the hagfish can produce up to 20 liters of the stuff at once. That's ten large Pepsi bottles full of phlegm. You're welcome for that image.

Hairy frog

The extremely weird hairy frog sounds like it would be an adorable, cuddly pet to keep around, until you find out that the hair it's covered in is actually a bunch of semi-exposed arteries just trailing along outside of the body, designed for absorbing high levels of oxygen into the frog's blood. The grossness doesn't end there: the hairy frog, also known as the horror frog, is also known to break its own toes in order to expose sharp, claw-like bones for self-defense, not unlike Marvel's Wolverine, during that dark period when Magneto had pulled all of the metal from his skeleton. Nerd alert, this is still grosser. Double nerd alert: the Hairy frog is also sometimes known as the Wolverine frog. You're welcome.

Glyptapanteles wasp

The Glyptapanteles wasp might be the biggest jerk in the entire animal kingdom. It can only lay eggs in a living caterpillar host, which is probably a horrifying ordeal unto itself, but the cruelty doesn't stop there. Several dozen larvae eventually emerge from the living caterpillar, while a couple remain behind and control the caterpillar from the inside, like a twisted Voltron, causing the dessicated, zombie caterpillar to stay and defend the growing larvae until it dies from starvation. And they probably never pick up a fair portion of the tab at the bar either.

Koalas

We don't mean to slut-shame you, koalas, but when you guys have so much chlamydia that it's actually threatening the survival of your species, it might be time to re-evaluate some critical life choices. In some parts of Australia, only 10 percent of koalas are STD-free, matching statistics that biologists haven't seen since studying the cast of Jersey Shore. Koalas are far, far from the worst or scariest animal in the outback, but they're certainly the most deceptive. Underneath all of that cuddly fur lies some really bad decisions, and probably some unusual discharge.

Fulmar

The fulmar looks a bit like a typical seagull, so even though it's a trash bird, it's not obviously disgusting… but the fulmar's defense mechanism is exceedingly gross, and the source of their name, which can be literally translated to "foul gull." The bird stores a disgusting gumbo of fish oils and wax in its digestive system, and is known to projectile vomit the mixture at predators when threatened. While this evil jambalaya can also be a food source to baby fulmars, the puke smells like rotten fish and guts, and is so sticky that it can ruin the feathers of birds, making them unable to fly, and eventually killing them.

Suriname toad

Giving birth in the familiar manner is gross enough, but the Suriname (sometimes spelled Surinam) toad takes it to a whole new level. While mating, the female toad embeds fertilized eggs into a thin layer of skin on her own back, and as the eggs develop, they form safe pockets beneath the toad's skin. When fully developed, the toad's terrible little babies burst through holes in her back, like a scene from Alien, but way, way wetter. In 2005, awareness of this toad partially inspired a word to describe viewers' revulsion at seeing this method of birth: "trypophobia," or a fear of irregular holes. Not many animals inspire new names for fears, so there's that.

Sea cucumber

The technical term for moving guts from your insides to your outsides is "evisceration," and the sea cucumber is an expert at doing it to itself. Different kinds of sea cucumbers can eject their organs through their own mouth, butt, or just through the side of their body, and most of them do it to ward off predators…but some just seem to do it for fun. It's undoubtedly confusing to suddenly be tangled in a few feet of intestine from the thing you were going to eat, so most attackers just give up at that point, while the ol' cucumber gets to healing everything it just shot out.

Vultures

Just about every vulture is gross. They rarely hunt down any prey on their own, they have bald heads designed to burrow into rotting carcasses that they steal from other animals, they eat so much that they can't move, and they're known to use every manner of their own excrement to their advantage. While there's plenty to be said for recycling, covering oneself in urine and vomit is no way to make friends. Vultures regularly consume things so repugnant that they've become immune to anthrax and botulinum toxin. Meanwhile, the average human can't even escape the local buffet without the runs.