Star Wars Vs. DC: Who Would Win?
It's a question asked in comic shops even more than "Why don't I have a girlfriend?" and "What's deodorant?" In a battle between two epic characters who have never met, who would emerge victorious? It doesn't matter why they're fighting or if the world has much larger problems than fictional deathmatches, it's absolutely critical to know which hero or villain is quantifiably more badass. So, what would happen if Star Wars threw down against DC Comics? Here's what we think the outcome would be.
Darth Vader vs. Darkseid
Was George Lucas was influenced by Jack Kirby's New Gods when plotting A New Hope? Kirby's comic epic had been out for a few years by the time Luke Skywalker's journey began, and rumor has it that even Vader's design references Darkseid's weird helmet head. Coincidentally (or not), Darkseid is also a guy with a secret son who's prophesied to defeat him. While Vader can crush throats from a distance and swing a mean lightsaber, he's basically an old man being kept alive by an asthmatic robot suit and evil. Sure, he's a deadly threat to human peons, and even skilled Jedi, but Darkseid can shoot reality-destroying beams from his eyes. Victory: Darkseid. Sorry, Star Nerds.
Luke Skywalker vs. The Flash
Luke and the Flash are both guys who harness the powers of a mysterious force to fight for the powers of good. While Skywalker uses the Force and whatever midichlorians he's got floating around in his guts, the Flash uses the Speed Force to zip around at the speed of light, and occasionally, through time. The question here is whether or not the little bacteria that possess universal consciousness and control the Force can transmit information faster than light. Luke was able to deflect laser beams not long after he picked up his first lightsaber, while he was blindfolded, so the good money is on Luke being able to anticipate the Flash's super speedy moves. Precognizance wins, so Skywalker scores this one. Plus, lightsaber. Come on.
Han Solo vs. Batman
While Han Solo is a mercenary with a heart of gold, and Batman is a hero with a heart of bat, both are independent rogues who begrudgingly join the team when the going gets tough. It's hard to imagine a scenario in which Batman actually loses a fight, even after being beaten to a bloody pulp, but Han Solo's regular use of deadly force and the trail of corpses in his wake might just anger Batman enough to throw him off his guard. Still, Solo's own worst enemy seems to be himself and a total lack of preparedness, wherein Batman is the ultimate prepper. In a completely obvious victory, Batman reigns supreme, using Smuggler Spray from his Batbelt.
Wonder Woman vs. Princess Leia
Princess Leia isn't much of a fighter, despite her scrappy confidence and resilience, whereas Princess Diana is a trained warrior from Themyscira. Both come from lands that were completely destroyed by war, but only Leia has the power of the entire Rebellion at her command. Wonder Woman often seems at odds with her warrior sisters, when she's not leading them in attacks against the patriarchy. There aren't enough magic bracelets in the world to deflect the heavy fire from the Rebellion should Leia ever be crossed, but there's also no doubt that Leia would spill the locations of some secret rebel bases if she went up against Diana's lasso one-on-one. This one's a tie.
Chewbacca vs. Martian Manhunter
Both stoic, loyal, hulking aliens from far-off lands, Chewy and J'onn J'onzz would probably be very fast friends before they'd ever come to fisticuffs. Martian Manhunter would have no problem understanding Chewy, and they'd both keep their distance from any terrifying. smoldering fireplaces. The real question is which weapon would be more powerful: a Wookiee bowcaster firing plasma, or arms that can be shape-shifted into giant blades? The only real answer is that the two would be best buds forever, and everyone would win. Sitcom spinoff, please.
Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Ra's al Ghul
Ra's al Ghul is an environmental terrorist who seeks to restore the balance between man and nature, and Kenobi is a Jedi who wants to restore balance to the Force. Both are expert swordsmen who know how to return from the dead, or at least use death to their advantage. While old Kenobi just kinda floats around as a wise ghost after he dies, Ra's actually legitimately comes back to life to strike again, thanks to a weird chemical hot tub. For all of his years, Ra's never seems to accomplish his goals or become smarter, while Kenobi effectively guides Luke Skywalker to victory over the Empire. Death just isn't failure when you're a Jedi. Point goes to Obi-Wan.
Emperor Palpatine vs. Anton Arcane
Like the saddest possible WorldStar video, seeing two decrepit old men go at it would probably be the worst way to spend an afternoon. But if you absolutely had to watch, it would help if both geezers had some form of magic power. Palpatine and Arcane are both known to return from the dead to possess the living, and are both bent on spreading evil through the universe. The Palpatine we know from the original trilogy can barely move, but has some wicked lightning powers, while Anton Arcane seems to cycle through bodies like TV channels, and may or may not be a demon. Still, Arcane regularly has his butt handed to him by the pile of weeds known as Swamp Thing, so even if Palpatine can only give him a really nasty shock, we're voting for the evil space Emperor.