Conspiracy Theories That Are Utterly Ridiculous

The truth is out there—except it's probably not nearly as complicated or terrifying as some people would like to think. Modern life is challenging enough without introducing insane conspiracy theories into the daily grind, but some people simply insist on not taking things at their obvious face value. To the conspiracy theorist, everything we know is wrong, masked under multiple layers of government interference and obfuscation, even though the government can't even keep stray drones off the White House lawn. Here are some insane conspiracy theories that people actually believe.

Flat Earth theory

We've been pretty sure that the Earth is a big ol' ball for over 2000 years, but a very unusual and dedicated sect of amateur pseudoscientists insist that the Earth is actually a disc, suspended in space and surrounded by an enormous barrier of ice so that the oceans don't just drain off of the edges. For reasons unexplained by science, no one has ever ventured past this alleged icy wall to see what's out there, because we can travel to the depths of space but apparently can't make it past some ice. While a Frisbee-shaped Earth seems a bit more comforting than our trembling ball of unstable magma, we'll keep the big, blue sphere that we know and love.

Faked lunar landings

It's an awesome human accomplishment that mankind has made it to the moon and back, but some conspiracy theorists believe that the whole thing was faked with an elaborate TV studio setup and a whole mess of tampered evidence. The theory was first described in self-published book by a technical writer who worked with rocket engines, which suggested that a trip to the moon was just too hard, and that faking the trip was easier. Of course, the deranged Flat Earth Society took up the cause, positing that Walt Disney and Stanley Kubrick participated in forging the "fake" moon landing film here on terra firma. Coercing the 400,000+ people involved with the Apollo project into silence is another story altogether.

Hollow Earth theory

Imagine this: the Earth you're living on is actually a hollow ball, and inside of it dwells ancient tribes, lush jungles, dinosaurs, and probably aliens, depending on who you ask. According to ancient writings and a whole lot of old sci-fi, all you need to do to get into this fantastic world is reach the giant hole at either of the Earth's poles and drop on through. Other theories suggest that we're actually living inside of the Earth already, and optical illusions and holograms have convinced us that we're on the surface. Either way, Hollow Earth Theory defenders are adamant that there's another world inside our world—they just can't seem to find what's literally under their noses.

Saddam's Stargate

What if the Iraq War wasn't for oil or to eliminate a potential nuclear threat, but because the US government wanted access to an ancient Sumerian stargate? While the United States has Area 51 to keep all of its alien tech, Iraq has its national museum. During the Iraq War, there was supposedly an inter-dimensional portal that Saddam Hussein was trying to activate, in order to rule the world with military forces provided by ancient alien gods. Most of the unusual theories about Saddam's stargate shenanigans surfaced a little after the Kurt Russell film of the same name. Fortunately for mankind, no cool Egyptian gods have come through to say howdy.

Lizard people

Forget about sleeping at night, because the whole world is run by shape-shifting lizard people who just happen to be really, really good at politics and acting. Called "Reptilians," these creatures are in cahoots with extraterrestrial aliens to subjugate the citizens of Earth to whatever their endgame is, which is presumably to just eat and probe everyone to death. Ultimately, Reptilians are the source of every other conspiracy cover-up, since they're capable of flawlessly manipulating all media to their needs. If nothing else, they're a very convenient excuse for everything that's wrong with your pitiful human life.

Holocaust denial

There are a lot of gross conspiracy theories, but the denial of the Holocaust remains at the top of the list of despicable disbeliefs. History tells us, beyond any doubt, that roughly 6 million Jewish people were executed in Nazi Germany during World War II. Holocaust deniers, or "revisionists," as they call themselves, believe that the whole Holocaust thing was only about deportation—that the stories and evidence of the atrocities of the Holocaust were actually fabricated by the Jewish people in order to gain worldwide attention. It's a conspiracy theory so dumb, and tenacious, that it's actually illegal in many countries.

The government staging mass shootings

Any time an insane person picks up a gun and shoots a significant number of innocent people, conspiracy theorists are quick to attempt to tie the event to the government. Presumably, these highly-publicized shootings are created by the government in order to drum up enthusiasm for stricter gun control laws, which are deemed too oppressive by large sects of gun-toting Americans. These theories are passed around in memes, which generally show similar-looking people present at different tragic events, suggesting that the tragedies are fabricated and generally failing to realize that more than one person can have the same haircut. Adherents to this theory include Steven Seagal, known for such films as Force of Execution, Cyborg Nemesis, and his blossoming jowls.

Jade Helm Walmart prison camps

Jade Helm was a two-month-long U.S. Army training exercise in the American southwest designed to help soldiers adapt to unfamiliar territories, but the operations were seen as something far more sinister by some. Because the scale of the operations was somewhat large, conspiracy theorists went bonkers, spreading some of the wackiest ideas to ever hit the Internet. These kooky ideas include abandoned Walmarts being turned into prison camps for dissenters or being used to store arms for invading Chinese forces, anyone opposed to the fictional forthcoming martial laws imposed on America would be killed, and Texas was about to be invaded. Of course, conspiracy theorists would like to blame Obama for all of the ridiculous concepts we just mentioned.

Vaccines are mind control devices

If you thought anti-vaccine propagandists were dumb, you've only hit the tip of the polio-infected iceberg. While your average dingus might believe that vaccines cause autism, the extra-paranoid nincompoop believes that vaccines contain nanotechnology that can alter your behavior, control your mind, and possibly destroy your human DNA so that you're more palatable to the Reptilian overlords. Some theorists claim that vaccines are forbidden by the Bible, while others are just throwing a tantrum because they really enjoy getting the measles. Conveniently, this tech is only detectable by the government. If you feel yourself being controlled by microscopic robots, please seek help.