Man Treated After Discovering Family Of Cockroaches Living In Ear

Good news for people who love screaming in terror until they're dead: a gentleman in China was reportedly treated last month after it was discovered that the persistent earache he'd been experiencing was caused by the roughly one dozen cockroaches that were living inside his head. In a world where everything that's fun seems to kill you, it can be nice to know that things that aren't fun can be awful, too.

According to Newsweek, the story goes that a young man, identified as Mr. Lv, was admitted to the Sanhe hospital in southeast China in October. Complaining of a sharp pain in his right ear, he was seen by an ear, nose, and throat specialist, Doctor Yijin, who was no doubt elated to branch out into the light veterinary sciences when he discovered a full grown German cockroach in the patient's ear canal surrounded by more than a dozen bouncing newborn babies. Before you could say l'chaim, staff at the hospital treated the man by yanking the bugs out of his skull with a pair of tweezers, finally proving that there's a connection between real life medical skills and the ability to rock the board game Operation.

How to avoid becoming a roach motel

For anyone hoping to escape the same fate, Doctor Jiang Tengxiang, deputy head of the department at the hospital, recommended keeping a clean house with disinfected drains, as well as the use of fitted mosquito netting on your home's doors and windows. "That'll stop insects from flying or crawling into your noses and ears," he was quoted as saying, presumably while twirling his mustache and repressing a mad cackle because nothing will stop the bugs, not anything, and this is humanity's final hour.

At this point, it's important to note for readers stateside that, while it can be easy to disassociate from a story coming from the other side of the world, you are, in fact, not any safer here. In April of 2018, a woman in Florida went into great detail describing a similar medical drama: waking up to a strange sensation, swabbing at the inside of her ear, and the unique experience of having her ear swab back at her as a result of her aggravating the bug that had moved into her face. And so, to reiterate, we are all doomed.