Wild Boar Finds And Destroys $22,000 Worth Of Cocaine

30-50 counts of bad news for cocaine fans today as it was reported that roughly $22,000 worth of delicious nose treats were destroyed by a roaming wild boar in the woods of beautiful western Italy. Maybe.

Okay. A lot to unpack here. As originally reported by Toscana Media News, police in Tuscany were working to disrupt a drug smuggling ring after stumbling onto it during the investigation of 21 year old Albanian man's 2018 murder. Utilizing wires, the kind that criminals in movies always make sure to ask if you're wearing, they listened in on the conversations of the criminals involved.

According to them, the smugglers had a pretty cherry setup, sneaking blow in from the city of Perugia, then hiding it in cans that they'd bury in the forest for safe keeping before selling it around the area. Everybody following so far?

The jury's snout on this one

So then, while the police were listening in, they heard one of the members of this elite criminal empire complaining about the loss of around $22,000 worth of coke due to a wild boar having "destroyed one of the containers with its muzzle." The police and reporting news organizations apparently took this at face value. 

With the estimated street value of cocaine reported by Newsweek at around $100 per gram, this would put the amount of product lost at a little under half a pound, or about the same amount that a 400 pound wild boar would need to have a killer weekend on the Riviera. As of yet, there have been no reports of high rolling pigs tearing up Monterosso al Mare in a brand new convertible. Also conspicuously absent are reports of anyone feeling suspicious when $22,000 worth of cocaine went missing and a drug dealer said "a pig ate it." One thing everyone can agree on is that the boar's got a strong nose for justice.