Tesla Cybertruck Makes Smashing Debut

Elon Musk: to some, he is the unappreciated Iron Man of the real world. To others, he is a grinning billionaire ego bro who got high with Joe Rogan and never saw a problem he couldn't solve with a tiny submarine. Whatever your thoughts on the man, he's facilitated numerous humanitarian tech ventures, working to create sustainable electric buildings and transportation.

Now, after more than a decade and a half of advances, Musk's Tesla, Inc. has at long last reached the pinnacle of human achievement, as revealed at a press event on November 21st, 2019. Inventors and innovators the world over can pack it in. It's all over, brothers and sisters. It is a new world, and we shall call this the year zero. The old gods are dead. 

All hail the Cybertruck.

Just as soon as we get the windows replaced.

Cybertruck debut caused pane in Musk's glass-crack

Musk unveiled the Cybertruck at the Tesla Design Studio in Hawthorne, California in what can only be described as a combination Immortan Joe worship service/Matrix Reloaded rave party. Per CNN, the machine is made out of the same stainless steel alloy as the SpaceX rockets, which Musk claimed makes it "literally bulletproof." 

Pinch of salt? Maybe. As was immediately pointed out by everyone on Twitter, the windows were also touted as being "unbreakable" just before a demonstration of their sturdiness backfired pretty spectacularly. In what was, just maybe, a slightly too-ambitious move, a metal ball was chucked at two of the Cybertruck's windows, to less than ideal results. Both panes of future-glass broke, but, as Musk pointed out, didn't shatter entirely. So that's a plus.

But all of that is burying the lede. The real story here is that the Cybertruck has been erroneously described as "like nothing you've ever seen." It doesn't look like nothing you've ever seen. It looks like several things you've seen. It looks like what Doc and Marty would drive to and from the future if they were on a budget. It looks like something Master Chief drove back when video game controllers still had cords. It looks like the cardboard car from a public junior high school's production of Grease. The decked out version also retails at around $70,000 in case you're shopping for us for Christmas.