The ugliest fish in the world

Up and down the rungs of the fourth estate cling hundreds of writers, waiting in anxious anticipation for their Woodward and Bernstein moment; a confluence of the right events manifesting at the right time which, when combined with vigilance and a righteous work ethic, will become the story that puts them over the proverbial top. When leapt upon with proper professional acumen, these pieces, these words put humbly to the page, can, if only for a moment, change the world. 

And so, with this in mind, and with names like Thompson, Cronkite, and Murrow uttered in a modest hush, we respectfully present to you, the reader, our pick for the fish with the sickest butterface on the planet.

The deep-sea anglerfish: ugly inside and out

There are many contenders for The World's Ugliest Fish, what with the ocean's murky depths more or less being nature's burn pile for bad ideas. And yet, only one swims above the rest.

Look upon the face of butt-ugliness and despair, ye mighty. That sucker right there is the deep-sea anglerfish, and she's what a hangover would look like if it came to life. 

Yes, she. The anglerfish is one of those magical members of the animal kingdom with an easily differentiated gender, with the females being large and so super gross. The males, conversely, generally only grow to a fraction of the size of their female counterparts. How can the males persevere their unforgiving environment if they never get big and strong? Like most regional-level stand-up comedians, they latch onto a better-adapted female and leech whatever they need to survive. In the process of mating, they'll clamp themselves to a pretty lady and then just never leave, transferring regular deposits of reproductive fluids in exchange for essentially never having to grow up. It's a process that, thanks to footage first captured in 2018 and released by Science Magazine, you can check out for yourself, if you're into that, you freak.