82-Year Old Female Bodybuilder 'Clobbers' Home Intruder

As many of us know, having an older relative can be arduous, especially when it comes to addressing concerns about their safety. Yes, nana might still be able to function on her own during routine, day to day activities, but what if the worst should happen? What if, God forbid, she was targeted by criminals as an easy mark and robbed in her own home?

Good news: there's a simple solution. Just have your grandmother start deadlifting at the gym every day until she becomes a world-renowned weight lifter capable of laying some sick Dwayne Johnson smackdown on any intruder foolish enough to try and smell what she's probably literally cooking. It's extreme, but it works, apparently. 

As reported by the Associated Press, on November 21st, 2019, a man approached the home of 82-year old Rochester resident Willie Murphy, claiming that he needed an ambulance. When Murphy called first responders without opening the door, the man reportedly forced his way into the house.

And that, as the old saying goes, is when things got real.

Weight, weight, don't kill me

The intruder was apparently painfully unaware that Murphy is an award-winning bodybuilder whose near-daily trips to the local YMCA have resulted in her ability to lift over 200 pounds, a capability which she put on full display when she "clobbered him with a table." She then beat the intruder with a broom and, in a self defense maneuver we're now referring to as "the rinse and re-beat," poured shampoo in his face. Police arrived on the scene in time to witness the would-be burglar, in legal jargon, getting the crap kicked out of him by an old lady.

Murphy, who won the 2014 World Natural Powerlifting Federation Lifter of the Year award, elected not to press charges, instead using the time to win everybody in the world over with the badass quote ""I was whaling on that man... 'Cause I said to myself, 'If it's my time to go to hell, I'm taking him with me.'"

And, in case you were worried, the man got his ambulance ride after all.