Archaeologists Discover World's Oldest Wooden Structure

Spend five minutes on the message board of your choice and you'll notice a universal trend — everybody loves old wooden structures, but we've all become frustrated with just how not-old many of them are. "Why aren't any of the old antique wood things older," mankind seems to cry out as one. Well good news, woodheads. The ennui ends today, as archaeologists in eastern Europe have discovered a wood thing that's older than all of the other old wood things.

As reported by CNN, the discovery was made near Ostrov in the Czech Republic. It's a well. It's wooden. And brother, you'd better believe it's very old.

Czech it out: All's well that ends well

During the construction of a motorway in the Czech Republic, archaeologists were thrilled to discover a wooden water well now believed to have been constructed around 5255 BC. What the archaeologists were doing at the construction site is unclear, but lots of people work two jobs these days, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

The well, which measures roughly 80 centimeters by 80 centimeters, is made mostly out of oak from trees harvested between the autumn of 5259 BC and the following winter. The discovery is exciting for several reasons. First off, it displays a level of sophistication in the field of engineering far more advanced than was generally seen in natives of the Neolithic period, who researchers at the University of Pardubice's Department of Restoration noted "had tools made of stone, bone, horn, or wood."

Secondly, the well contained zoological remains, including "the residues of large numbers of invertebrate animals and small vertebrates, mainly shellfish, small vertebrate bones, overwintering crustacean eggs, and insect residues." This gives scientists a unique opportunity to reconstruct part of the region's biome.

Currently, researchers are attempting to develop new methods with which to preserve the pieces of the structure, which they note was submerged in water for thousands of years and needs to stay that way if it's going to stay together. At present, they're in the process of replacing the water surrounding the structure's remains with preservative saccharose, AKA sugar. Yes, you heard it here first: the best way to preserve old wood is by coating it in Fun Dip. Be sure to mention that the next time you're in the acoustic humidor at Guitar Center.