The Most Obedient Dog Breed In The World

Hey, quick question: you ever heard of dogs? If you don't have a dog, do yourself a favor and go get one. Dogs are the best. They're the trendy new pet that's sweeping the nation. They're like box tortoises, but faster and nicer to cuddle. They're like cats, but they don't hate you. As companions go, they rank right up there with human beings, only dogs don't care what position you leave the toilet seat in or how drunk you are when you show up for their mom's funeral.

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, roughly a third of U.S. households contain at least one dog, and those are just the ones that are aware of it. If you want to be like them, you're probably putting in the work trying to figure out which breed of pup is the most easily manipulatable, so as to train your new hellhound to carry out your orders and rain terror down upon those who question your might. Or, at the very least, you'd like one that house trains easily and understands that it needs to let go of your sponsor's frightened child when you say "drop it."

Bordering on genius

The American Kennel Club, which we hope will soon put corporate greed aside and allow for inter-league play with the National Kennel Club and Vince McMahon's Extreme Kennel Club, states that the most trainable dogs generally come from the Working, Herding, and Sporting groups of breeds. Their No. 1 pick is the border collie. These weaponizable shedding machines are widely the most intelligent pups on the planet. But there's a catch.

As anyone with a gifted kid that won't stop taking apart the family computer can tell you, being smart means getting bored, so border collies need a constant outlet for their intelligence. The AKC recommends agility training or a regular 9-to-5 herding livestock. Without something to keep them occupied, collies can tend towards destructive behaviors like pulling apart your furniture to see what's inside. Basically, border collies can be immensely obedient and smart as whip, but only if you remember to treat them like the high-energy cleverclogs that they are.

The AKC also points out that just about any dog can be trained with patience and affection, so if you're looking for a new pooch, be sure to check your local animal shelter first.