The untold truth of Scatter, Elvis' pet chimp

At some point or another, we've all adopted a far-off stare, sighed wistfully, and contemplated how much more awesome our lives would be if we had a pet chimpanzee. We've also probably all thought about how great a fried peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwich would be. We've reconsidered both of these things because we know that actions have consequences.

And then you have people like Elvis Presley, the man who loved himself a PBB&B sandwich so much that his arteries were effectively bulletproof when he died, and who absolutely owned a chimp. His name was Scatter, and he was prone to unwarranted promiscuity. That's right, baby. #ScatterIsOverParty

Scatter was one of those song-and-dance chimps, a staple of 20th century entertainment. He started his life as a cast member on a local Memphis children's program, hosted by Bill Killebrew, AKA Cap'n Bill. According to Memphis Magazine, Bill pawned Scatter off on Presley after about a year of playing second fiddle to a less evolved primate. The chimp became an honorary member of the Memphis Mafia, and soon developed all of the vices associated with the position.

Too much monkey business

The chimpanzee wasn't Elvis's first exotic animal acquisition. Graceland's official website notes that the King kept donkeys in an empty swimming pool, owned a turkey named Bowtie, and was twice gifted wallabees. Where Scatter differed from the creatures that came before: his undeniable cuteness, and the opposable thumbs which allowed him to do stuff like hold a whiskey bottle and lift women's skirts.

Animal Planet reports that Elvis, enamored with his new ape sidekick, taught young Scatter to pinch ladies' rear ends, peek under their garments, and generally make a ruckus. It wasn't long before Presley and company came to the same conclusion that most chimpanzee owners and human parents arrive at eventually: what once was cute was turning into a real nightmare as the object of their affection got bigger.

As Scatter became more aggressive, it was decided that he needed a new home. A safe home. Somewhere that he could be free and wild.

So they stuck him in an air conditioned cage where he lived out his days with minimal attention, and even less bourbon.